I wrote this article for the ‘GründerMütter’ (FounderMothers) platform. In the text, I am addressing self-employed mothers, but these tips work for all moms in their daily lives, whether you are self-employed, employed, or a full-time stay at home mom.
Enjoy reading!
What if you want to balance both: lovingly guiding your child through the toddler autonomy phase while simultaneously building a successful business?
It is possible! But perhaps in a different way than you originally thought. In this article, you will learn about the three internal alignments that help me master daily life and business growth without losing faith in myself.
As a nervous system and embodiment coach, I know the tools and the neurobiological processes. Does this expertise make daily life easier? Yes, absolutely. But it does not shut out reality. The intense moments do not vanish just because you know what to do to regulate your nervous system. Days when the night was short and your child demands a lot of closeness or attention are just part of the journey. However, on those days, my professional knowledge helps me counteract early, recognize my own limits, and stay grounded in my strength instead of getting lost in a whirlpool of exhaustion, doubt, and to-do lists.
Even so, just recently, continuous sleep deprivation caused so much pressure to build up that after dropping my daughter off at the daycare provider, I intentionally took some time to physically discharge the accumulated stress and systematically ground my own system. Crying was part of that process.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want to show you that as a self-employed mother, you do not have to be perfect. You are not a bad mother and you are not a bad entrepreneur if things do not go the way you planned or imagined. Ultimately, we are all human and our capacity is finite.
1) The Internal Attitude: Kindness as a Resource
It is not the end of the world if the housework gets left behind or a social media post goes online two days late. What does drain your energy and does not help, however, is judging yourself mentally for these unfinished tasks. The same applies when you feel you are not meeting your own standards as a mother.
Sentences like these then start running on autopilot in your head: “I failed to finish what I wanted to do again.” “I am so forgetful lately.” “I am not spending enough time with my child.” “I am not a good mother.”
These reactions have one specific result: stress increases, making us less functional and increasingly irritable and tense.
A more helpful, nervous system-friendly internal attitude toward yourself is one of kindness and understanding. When pressure rises, a brief, intentional pause and a cognitive acknowledgement of the situation can help.
YOUR DAILY EXERCISE: THE NEUROBIOLOGICAL RESET
When you notice your inner voice becoming demanding or critical, interrupt your current activity for 30 seconds:
- Place one hand flat on your heart and the other on your belly.
- Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. The exhalation should take twice as long as the inhalation.
- Feel the physical pressure of your hands. This short pause sends a direct signal of safety to your brain and removes the acute stress peak from your system.
- Now say to yourself: “I see there is a lot of pressure right now. And I understand why I feel overwhelmed. It is okay.” Breathe.
2) Radical Flexibility: Resource-Oriented Time Management
Children going through the autonomy phase demand a high level of flexibility from us. A growing business does too. When running a solo business, if we rigidly stick to concepts or fail to flexibly adjust our schedule after a restless night, we make life unnecessarily difficult for ourselves.
In this context, flexibility does not mean a lack of planning or chaos. It means strategically shifting your expectations for a workday and recognizing that building a connection with your child in everyday life is sometimes the most important business investment. If your child or you yourself are dysregulated, there is no point in rigidly working through to-do lists or maintaining the demand for a perfectly planned, educationally flawless afternoon.
A PRACTICAL EXAMPLE FROM MY DAILY LIFE
Just recently, I experienced a phase like this with my daughter: almost every single one of my suggestions was met with a loud “No!” Because I was already exhausted from my current business tasks, I felt my own impatience rising. I reacted defensively, saying “No” just as frequently, and felt highly annoyed. This is a classic mirroring effect of two dysregulated nervous systems.
The next day, my daughter went to visit my parents as planned. Instead of forcing myself to push through my business tasks, I used the flexibility of my self-employment for a conscious shift in perspective. I took time for reflection, looked closely at my internal processes, and revisited the characteristics of the autonomy phase (fittingly called the “terrible twos”). With these new insights, I was able to soften my attitude again, allowing me to meet my daughter with the necessary calm and serenity during our next reunion.
3) Intuition and the Now: Working in Flow
Trying to force plans through at all costs, regardless of your physical condition, drains an enormous amount of energy. Of course, we do not need to cancel every appointment or task immediately just because we are not feeling great. But whenever possible, we can make decisions from the present moment and adapt our actions to the current needs of our body.
If you are sitting at your desk to write a text, but the words simply will not flow: stop wasting time on frustration! Do something else in that moment, something that inspires you right now. By this, I do not mean procrastinating or leaving things permanently unfinished. What I mean is following your physical impulses so that we work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. The inspiration for the text will come, in its own time.
The same applies to housework. If you have absolutely no energy or desire to clean, do only the absolute bare minimum that feels right, or leave the rag and the vacuum cleaner aside. Trust that the moment will come when you will tidy up with full energy and finish in no time, instead of dragging yourself listlessly and inefficiently through the apartment. That moment might arrive as early as the next day!
Work with yourself and with whatever is present right now. When you are in the right flow, you get everything done multiple times more efficiently. This way, you systematically work with your available resources rather than against them.
AN EXERCISE FOR THIS
- Just like in the first exercise, place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Breathe in briefly and exhale slowly.
- Now feel into your body and simply observe for a moment.
- If you tune into your body with a question in mind: “What do I need right now?” or “What do I feel like doing right now?” an answer usually surfaces—a quiet voice or simply a deep, inner knowing.
The Neurobiological Background: Why Safety is Key
From the perspective of Polyvagal Theory and nervous system regulation, all of these points share a common goal: they help your body exit biological survival mode and establish safety within your system.
When our internal attitude is demanding, critical, or rigid, we fight against our own body. Our brain interprets this internal pressure as a threat. The consequence?
The nervous system enters fight-or-flight mode. Here is how this manifests:
- Physically: Your heart rate accelerates, your muscles tense up, and your breathing becomes shallow.
- Mentally: The prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, creativity, and empathy—is powered down. You can no longer think clearly.
- Behaviorally: You enter fight mode (impatience with your child, frustration over your business) or flight mode (procrastination, internal resignation, exhaustion).
Only when we relieve the pressure through kind self-talk, flexibility, and accepting the present moment do we signal safety to our body. We activate the ventral vagus nerve (the state of social connection and relaxation). Only in this regulated state do you regain your full capacity to act, your creativity, and your serenity as an entrepreneur and as a mother.